Love is a fickle mistress. ((advice needed. trigger warning))

Before i start. trigger warning. mental issues. suicide. assault, sexual abuse

Now that thats out of the way.

I knew this girl a long time ago. we met when i was in elementary school. we are both nearing the end of highschool now and i have a chance to go and run away with her.

Ever since i met her i have thought night and day about her. She makes me feel like the most important person in the world. she practically holds me to the earth by herself.

We have never been able to pursue a relationship despite our mutual feelings because of multiple reasons. one of which is that after we initially met somebody attempted to sexually assault her and i got protective. It became violent quickly and after that she was seperated from me by thousands of miles. we live in two seperate states. and she has never come back here because of her mother and step-father. Her step-father is verbally abusive and him combined with multiple other factors has driven her to suicidal attempts.

i have a history of violence and during my freshman year i also attempted suicide because of multiple issues. most of them being from bullying and the inability to sleep combijned with fear for my families safety due to paranoia from the aforementioned factors.

We both have been diagmosed with mental problems. she has dissociative identity disorder ,schizophrenia and depression. i have bipolar disorder, depression, insomnia, and minor Dissociative identity disorder which reflects in a form of personality alterations instead of completely alternate people.

Because of this reason while we love each-other dearly those close to us would prefer if we stayed far away. our mental issues feed into eachother and we cause them to become more active. I love her or atleast i think i do.

And then perhaps more importantly one of her personalities wants to kill me.

and under a certain trigger circumstance my disorder manifests with a mutual feeling.

I have a little bit of time and then i will be able to go and see her and run away with her if i so choose. some of her family approves of it but her "parents" AKA her step-father do not.

I am not sure what to do. She makes me happier than i have ever been with anybody else. but she makes me crazier as well. I keep her safe from people who want to hurt her and she keep me from hurting others. but we hurt eachother. I do love her. and she feels the same way.

but im not sure what to do.

Two people meeting and staying together due to depression and mental problems is one of the ingredients of a potentially toxic relationship.

My advice to you is simple: get the help you need and stick with it, and seriously evaluate whether or not this girl makes you a better person.

Staying together in a relationship where you only screen your bad behavior, instead of attacking its root causes, will hamper attempts you make at self improvement. You must start making changes for in your life, and so must she. If she wants to help you, and if you think you can help her, then it might be best to stand by her. If that isn't the case, it may be time to move on.

And do not run away from home. That is an incredibly bad idea.

I agree with John in the statement that this sounds like a seriously negative relationship.

Disorders like those you mentioned are dangerous things, and while it's wonderful that you've found happiness in some way, it is also vital that you learn to overcome those disorders before entering a relationship. Not only do you both need to learn to love yourselves before you love others in a romantic way, but you need to make sure that you are safe to yourself and others before you expose either or both sides to so much potential harm.

For the safety and well-being of you both, you should seek professional help in therapy and possibly in a psychiatrist (depending on how serious the problem is) before you try to be together.

If home is something that you find warmth and comfort in, too, stay there. Focus on your family and on calming yourself and being less violent for now, and when you feel like you have full control over yourself and your actions, and you can be confident in yourself, then you can start giving yourself more freedom there (also, your violent tenancies could even turn on her; it could quickly turn abusive, even if you don't think so yourself now. The abusive cycle can absolutely include love, though it isn't often portrayed that way in media. Be careful, for her sake and your own).

And for the sake of you both, listen to your families and stay away from her until the relationship can be a good, safe, happy one. And please, please remain open to the possibility of this not happening. Not every ending will be happy, and it is absolutely awful, and it hurts like hell, but it will only be worse if you live only in a world of fantasy and close yourself to other forms of love, and other possible happy endings.

Of course this is only the advice of a sixteen year old girl, and I'm no expert, but I feel like I have enough experience in this area to give some advice here. Please, please don't act right now on any of those things that you said. Consult a therapist. They have knowledge, education, and experience on their side, and they can provide you with a safe environment and confidentiality.