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 cealvann mathius

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cealvan
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PostSubject: cealvann mathius   Fri Feb 05, 2016 10:08 pm

After much thought, and having lost this information yesterday, here is my first character

Full Name: Cealvann mathius
Gender:male
Height & Weight:6"1' 140lbs
Birthdate:June 30
Age: 17
Physical appearance:he is fairly tall, and skinny. he has messy hair, and dosnt ever comb it. It is turquoise because of a chemical acident a few years ago,making it grow an odd color. He wears Cool computer glasses, wich he has tinted the same color as his hair, and uses to gather all types of information. when he is not wearing a lab coat, he usualy wears shirts his dad got at business conferences.

Personality: he is a genius, and will always plan things out at least twenty steps in advance, and sees the world as a huge game of chess. He plans everything out with backup plans, and fail safes, usually they are so complicated that no one could posibly follow them. Despite this, he always is trying to take charge, and always assumes his plans are the only way of tackling a situation.

He is heartless, he while he will "care" about people, he would sacrifice them like a pawn any day. he would even be willing to kill his dad if he thought it would help him out,or so he says.

He thinks he knows everything, and if his view differs from yours, you are wrong. He is good on a computer, and a half decent hacker.

Handle: StrategicWarior
Typing Style:

he tries to use html in text boxes


Eye color: turquoise this one
Symbol: a blue 1 inside a black 0

Guardian:his father, who is the only one who can win a strategy game against cealvan, and the only one he dosnt view as a pawn in his life came of chess.

Strengths: smart, strategic, good with a computer
Weaknesses:
he is prideful,and sees things one sided.
He doesn’t care about others, and is not as smart as he thinks.
His "perfect plans" require the help of others, who never quite understand them.
Fears/Insecurities: he Fears that his heart will overcome his mind
Likes: winning, computers, strategy, knowledge
Dislikes:He hates feelings,confusion,when others are secretive, and a lack of Knowledge, and loathes it when people don't stick to the plan.
Driving force: the quest for Knowledge. He wants to be smarter than Einstein, Aristotle, newton, and Copernicus, put together.he wants to know everything.
Hobbies:
strategy games,
pondering how stuff works,
watching you tube videos on quantum physics
Studdying any branch of science

God Tier Title: mage of mind
Land:land of sparks and silicon
Derse or Prospit:derse
Strife Specibus:trap kind (I can only use it if they provide the force to set it off)

Describe your character in three words: smart, prideful, heartless,
If your character were stranded on an island and could only bring two things with them, what would they be?:His computer glasses to figure out everything about the island, and enough food to last him long enough to develop a plan to get off.

If your character could change anything about themselves, what would they change?:
While he would never admit it if pigs were flying around his head, as h#!* Froze over, deep down wants to feel emotion. He then quickly puts his heart back in its cage, locks it back up, and scolds himself for letting it out.
Your character opens their fridge; what do they see?:
"Oh wow, the carbon sulfide should not be that close to the apples", he thinks as he takes out his latest experiment to examine, and last night's leftovers to eat.

Other:hope he is 3d enough


Last edited by cealvan on Fri Feb 26, 2016 10:32 am; edited 4 times in total (Reason for editing : Update to show I have abandoned this)
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BurdenKing
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PostSubject: Re: cealvann mathius   Fri Feb 05, 2016 10:52 pm

Physical appearance does not meet the the requirements. Clean up the grammar a bit if you can as well. Post a reply when you've edited
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cealvan
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PostSubject: Re: cealvann mathius   Wed Feb 10, 2016 8:59 am

attempted fixed.
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BurdenKing
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PostSubject: Re: cealvann mathius   Wed Feb 10, 2016 9:49 am

has to be at least two paragraphs long, Keep trying
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cealvan
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PostSubject: Re: cealvann mathius   Wed Feb 10, 2016 1:14 pm

What other kinds of information could I add about what he looks like?
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BurdenKing
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PostSubject: Re: cealvann mathius   Wed Feb 10, 2016 1:39 pm

go into more detail, show us you know how to write well
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cealvan
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PostSubject: Re: cealvann mathius   Thu Feb 11, 2016 10:34 am

That better?
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undoneSyntax
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PostSubject: Re: cealvann mathius   Fri Feb 12, 2016 9:52 am

Ok, so here's a list of critiques on your character. Id like to see these implemented before your character is approved for play.

1. Please use propped grammar throughout your profile. This is just a nitpick of mine, but it makes reading through it a bit of a slog.

2. The character seems fairly powerful even without being in the game yet. I can see the Sollux influences here, but the difference between a good hacker and a computer genius should be noted.

3. You fall into something I refer to as 'impractical weaknesses' here. Yeah, being prideful can be a weakness, but not listening and not caring have no practical applications as weaknesses.

4. Id like to see the character expand out more in his interests. Going back to Sollux as an example, he's a good hacker. But he's also obsessed with doomsday scenarios and tries to work through the problems with his psychic powers. Your guy just seems one noted.

There are some other minor problems, but here is everything major.

~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~₪~
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cealvan
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PostSubject: Re: cealvann mathius   Tue Feb 23, 2016 10:53 am

Not done editing, but I feal you deserve an update to show that I still care
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cealvan
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PostSubject: Re: cealvann mathius   Fri Feb 26, 2016 10:37 am

K, I think I have fixed everything.
Any other suggestions to make it better?
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